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Geschrieben von Rächtschraibfäler am 08.01.2007 um 18:15:

  Beyond the sunset | English story

So leute, ich habe ein scheiß Rächtschraibung auch in Englisch (x und da ich aber dummerweise englisch leisungskurs bin muss ich da was drehen, deswegen hab ich mich entschieden eine englische geschichte zu schreiben ^^ ich fände es wirklich wundervoll wenn ihr mir Fehler zeigen könntet damit ich mich in englisch verbessern kann.
macht mich ruhig runter haupsache es dreht sich was an meiner rechtschreibung....

es ist ein sehr kurzer anfang ^^ aba ich schriebe nicht so viel weil es bei mir definitiv noch länger dauert als eine deutsche geschichte zu schreiben und da ich noch andere Hausaufgaben hab ...
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Eve woke up in the morning. The birds sang their songs an Eve looked at the clock, hanging on the wall near the door.
“Good day Chocolate!” she said to the little brown thing which was lying in front of her bed at the floor.
The thing whimpered. Eve stroke his fur and whispered to the brown balls. “Woke up boy we have to walk out, it’s a beautiful day!”
Suddenly the head of the ‘thing’ appeared. It was a dog! Eve grinned. “Let’s go!”
She slipped in her clothes and took the leash from Chocolate. “Hey boy, come on!” she yelled.
Chocolate raised himself without any hurry and walk to the girl. He waved his rod and barked. The girl smiled.
She opened the door and walk out in the young day. Chocolate, now stressing and barking, ran across the street without a look behind. “Chocolate wait for me!” Eve ran to catch up with him, but already after a few minutes of running, she was out of breath. She tried to call after him, but her heart was beating so fast and she was wheezy, so she can’t speak any word.
Slowly a tear rolled down her face and dropped down at the street. “Chocolate…” she whispered.

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Geschrieben von heartxmaster am 08.01.2007 um 19:21:

  RE: Beyond the sunset | English story

ich schreib Mal fett dazu was ich dazu zu sagen hab xD
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Eve woke up in the morning. The birds "were singing" wäre die richtige Form, denk ich sang their songs and Eve looked at the clock, hanging on the wall near the door.
“Good day, .. VL wär "good mornign" besser Chocolate!” she said to the little brown thing which was lying in front of her bed at the floor"to the little brown thing lying in front of her bed at the floor" wäre kürzer .
The thing whimpered. Eve stroke his fur and whispered to the brown balls. “Woke up boy we have to walk out, it’s a beautiful day!”
Suddenly the head of the ‘thing’ appeared. It was a dog! Eve grinned. “Let’s go!” find ich übertrieben mit dem "thing" . klingt i-wie komisch xD
She slipped in her clothes and took the leash from Chocolate. “Hey boy, come on!” she yelled.
Chocolate raised himself without any hurry and walk-ed! to the girl. He waved his rod and barked. The girl smiled.
She wäre in dem Fall auf den Hund bezogen xD opened the door and walk-ed! out in the young day. Chocolate, now stressing and barking, ran across the street without a look behind. “Chocolate wait for me!” Eve ran to catch up with him, but already after a few minutes of running, she was out of breath. She tried to call after him, but her heart was beating so fast and she was wheezy, so she can’t speak any word.
Slowly a tear rolled down her face and dropped down at the streetich denke, rolled down her face hätte genügt xD . “Chocolate…” she whispered.

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find's so .. naja, überwältigt nicht, wenig Emotionen und viele gleiche Satzanfänge. Bei den Vorschlägen gewähre ich keine 100%ige Richtigkeit xDD

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Geschrieben von Rächtschraibfäler am 08.01.2007 um 22:34:

 

hey dankeschön

Zitat:

find's so .. naja, überwältigt nicht, wenig Emotionen und viele gleiche Satzanfänge. Bei den Vorschlägen gewähre ich keine 100%ige Richtigkeit xDD

he dank eich werde eh noch viel dran rumbessern (: danke für die berictigung *keks zuschieb*

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Geschrieben von Luca am 09.01.2007 um 06:42:

 

Hab's bisschen veraendert, aber es ist immer noch nicht wirklich berauschend... Die Story an sich hinkt auch ein bisschen, finde ich.

"Eve woke up in the early morning hours. The birds were singing their songs while Eve looked at the clock which was hanging on the wall close to the door.
'Good morning, Chocolate!', she said to the little brown creature that lay on the end of her bed on the floor.
The creature whimpered. Eve stroke its fur while she was whispering lovingly to the tiny little ball. 'Wake up my boy, we have to walk out, it's a beautiful day in paradise!'
Eventually, the entity lifted its head and a dog appeared. Eve smiled. 'Lets go!'
She took Chocolate's leash after she got dressed. 'Hey boy, come on!' she yelled enthusiasticly to sheer the little dog on.
Chocolate rose without any hurry and walked to its owner, waving his rod and barking. The girl (Eve?) was smiling when she opened the door and entered a brand new day. Chocolate, now getting excited, ran across the street without caring if the girl would hurry herself to hold his speed.
Even though the girl speeded up, she couldn't catch up with the dog and was out of breath after just a few minutes running. She noticed her throat lacing up and she had to struggle for breath while her legs got heavier and heavier. She tried to call after the dog a few times, but her heart was beating fast and, still breathless and feeling dizzy, she gave up.
A tear rolled slowly down her cheek and got lost in the infinity of the street.
'Chocolate', she whispered desperately... "